So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
