so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
