i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
