the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
