C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
My bed smells like the plague
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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