whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
