The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
