So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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