Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
