there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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