I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
When are your genitals available?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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