If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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