is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
