so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
