I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
