I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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