Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
