i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
