we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
