I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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