Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
