I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize