Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
