there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
