ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I have fence marks all over my body
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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