so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
