Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
We are two peas in an std pod
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
