That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize