I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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