4 words: hood of his car
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
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