he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
