Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize