god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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