He kissed a someone with a penis
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
