my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
MIDGETS
????
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
