I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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