I just made out with a guy for $7.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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