I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
