Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I just found puke in my bra..
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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