i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
