Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
