Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
