do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
