But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
