my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
