thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
