am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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