She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
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