I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
