It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
