I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
