theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
two words...techno handjob
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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