I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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