All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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