It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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