i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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