theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
