please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I'm at about main and main street
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
