Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
