all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
