You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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