that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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