I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
