I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
my poor anus
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
