the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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