I can feel you judging me through the phone.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
