i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
