the condom got lost in my hair
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
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