This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
