She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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