420 ftw
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
