Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
