The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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